I'm taking a HUGE step of faith right now by telling my deepest thoughts and struggles. To announce, for all the world to see, that I have begun, yet again, to tackle my food issues is very scarey. Let me just stop right here and re-phrase that....my sinful habit of overeating. Let's just tell it like it is, how about that?

Why am I doing this?

Because most anyone who reads this has "issues" of their own. Issues that hurt the heart, holding it in bondage. Because whatever you are a slave to, that is your master and a very cruel one at that. In fact, if any of us were married to our "habit", if it were a real person, it would certainly be labeled an abusive marriage, to say the least! My habit has literally broken my body, not to mention my heart and mind.

I want to be free from the love of food and the condemnation and the continual trying to get a grip, yet failing.

Earlier this year I began to pray "new prayers". Asking God, not to give me new diet, I don't need one, I know them all, backwards and forwards. But I asked Him to give me a new heart. A heart devoted to Him. A heart devoted to loving Him with all of my heart, not food.

I also asked Him to heal me, to deliver me, to save me from myself.

It has taken a long time. In fact, almost 2 years ago,( you can actually read my post in January 2008) God began to teach me about perseverance. I thought at the time of that post, that He would teach that to me as I dieted, yet once again. But, He actually taught me about endurance, perseverance and running the race that is set before me, through some HUGE trials. They are truths I will be eternally grateful for, in fact, soon those retreats will be loaded to my website, www.Followinghim.com, as a new retreat message called, "Enduring Through Trials", which you can listen to in a few weeks, if you like. And now, much to my surprise and delight, He is teaching me to use those truths to endure through my life long temptation to over eat.

I've decided to share this journey on line because I know I am not alone. So many are crying out for freedom, yet are paralyzed to leave their prison behind. I do not pretend to have all of the answers, but I will share what He teaches me each day. This is about a heart change, not a diet. Yes, I'm having positive results, but my goal is not be skinny, my goal is to be conformed to the image of Christ.

Do you want to know what is motivating me? It isn't becoming a size 10, or going on a cruise, or being thin for my 60th. birthday in 2 1/2 years, but it is to be "complete", as described in James 1:2-4. You are going to love the Greek definition of "complete".

Here it is...are you ready?

Complete means to become who you were intended to be in Christ, so you can serve your destined purpose!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I CAN be who I was intended me to be. Me!! Even at 57!!! I can become who I was intended to be in Christ. It's not too late. And one facet of who I was intended to be in Christ is the fruit of the Spirit...part of which, is "self-control".

I want that. I want to be complete. I want to be all that I was intended to be.

Do you want to join me? If so, then come on along! We can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us!!! Yes, we can!!!

This first post is a loooooooonnnnnggg one!!! But, there was much on my heart to share. And below I've included a portion of a journal entry from last year and it really "tells all". Perhaps you will find you are like me and want to be free!

January 23, 2009

I’ve walked in bondage to the love of food for longer than I can remember. I’m obsessed with thoughts of it, desire for it, pleasure from it. I expect it to give me joy, happiness, excitement, comfort, peace, medication and it has not. Instead, my love for it has given me pain, self-hatred, unfulfilled desires, vacillating between craving and loathing.
But I have begun a new path into freedom. I’m propelled into this new realm by the Spirit, Who is promising true joy, fulfillment, peace and satisfaction in God, through Jesus Christ. What I have been craving CAN be found…in Christ and Christ alone. He is my Savior, my Friend, my true Hope.
Lord, I’ve been obsessed with getting enough for as long as I can remember. Enough love, enough security, enough promise and it seems to me that I have sought to fulfill that by trying, yet failing, to find “enough” in food. I can control when I get enough, how I get enough and what is enough. But I have only ended up with less, not more and certainly not enough. Enough is never enough.
My heart yearns for more and now I will seek that in Him, the all perfect One. Today Lord, I begin a journey of faith. Faith that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by You, for Your purposes and Your glory. That you have designed my body to work in a certain way and to look a certain way. You know what I need to eat, when I need to eat and how much I need to eat. You know how much I weigh now and how much I should weigh. You alone can restore my mind and heart and body and give my weary soul rest.
I give You myself and ask that you teach me to seek You for all things. Change my heart to seek You for pleasure and joy and comfort. ONLY You can do that, oh Lord. Another diet, counting calories, counting points, eating “right” foods, as opposed to “wrong” foods will not help me.
I am asking You to do more in me and through me, than I could ever ask for or imagine. I would guess that I have between 100 and 80 pounds to lose. My hips and joints hurt. I am exhausted. I am asking you to bring me to “normal”. May I just not think about food. May it have no place in my life, except for nourishment and occasionally celebration. May You be foremost in my thoughts and desires. May I be obsessed with You! Teach me to eat when I’m hungry and to stop when I’m full. I have no idea what full is, but will You enable me to know it and to embrace it?
I beg You for endurance and may endurance produce maturity.
My spirit knows this is right, that this is my only hope and my last hope. To be joined to You, abiding with You, seeking You to provide for me, is where my peace can be found. Today You have been the song in my heart and I thank you and ask for more!!! I think this quote says it all...

That sinful habit you struggle with daily,

that low-grade addiction that keeps you in the throes of guilt and shame,

that inability to walk with consistency in the things you know please God,

ultimately will only be overcome when your heart, soul, mind, spirit, and will are captivated by the majesty, mercy, splendor, beauty, and magnificence of who God is and what He has and will do for you in Jesus.(Sam Storms, "Pleasures Evermore")

Oh, God, that is my prayer, for my heart, soul, mind, spirit and will to be captivated by who You are and what You have and for me in Christ Jesus. I believe you!!!! I have stepped out in faith. I am filled with hope.