For Him Alone

A New Year has arrived. It always excites me. Another year unfolds before me and is as yet untouched, unmarred, even like a fresh fallen snow with no tracks, but only the crystals glistening like diamonds in the sun, beckoning one forward into uncharted places.

The last few years, I've been praying a big prayer....for irrevocable, absolute surrender to my Lord. I long to do whatever it takes, for as long as it takes, so that He can do whatever He wants in me and through me for His glory and my good.

The first time I prayed that prayer, my heart started beating so fast, I thought I might hyperventilate! Fear seemed to be choking me. The enemy loves to paralyze us with thoughts that if we surrender to God and to His will that God will "hurt us" or devastate us. I'll tell you what will devastate you....NOT giving in to God's will and God's ways for your life!

The last 2 years God has taught me, through some very hard trials, the blessed gift of endurance. My faith has grown and I am better for the lessons learned in the heat of the furnaces of affliction. My goal is to let endurance have its perfect work in me (James 1:2-3) so that I may become perfect and complete....becoming who I was intended to be in Christ, so that I might serve my destined purpose. If you've read this blog, that phrase has been repeated often and it ignites a fire in my heart,like none other. And now it seems that God is working out the lessons of endurance in the physical arena.

For 8 weeks now, I've given myself over to His will and ways for eating and exercise. Yes, I've dieted in the past, only to lose and to gain it back, yet never losing the full 80 + pounds I needed to lose. The goal was weight loss and health.

Confession: The goal of looking better and being healthy only carried me so far. It just isn't that much of a motivator for me personally. I needed more. I needed to make this about a spiritual quest..and honestly did try, many times, to eat less in an effort to "deny myself, take up my cross and to follow Him", but that too seemed an uphill battle that I soon quit fighting and gave up on.

This year it seems to be different. And please hear me on this....I say "seems to" with hesitation, even trepidation! Who wants to proclaim something with confidence, only to fail later and regret having made such a boast?! But, the Lord has really pressed on my heart that by saying, "I'm trying or I'm doing my best or I hope"...that I am actually saying, "This may not work, I actually expect to fail and this is my way of making sure I have an excuse for quitting when the time comes." So this time, I find myself saying, "I am going to do this"...the words stick in my throat...but deep in my heart, I know God is doing this, not me, and that He cannot fail if I surrender to Him. Thus the reason for my goal this year..."absolute, irrevocable surrender to His will."

And here's what God is teaching me now....in the past 8 weeks, I've lost 19 pounds. 19 pounds that I'm thrilled are gone!!! I thank Him for EVERY single ounce...no joke! Yes, I'm working out faithfully, eating right and getting my self out of bed at 6:30 in the morning, when I'm used to sleeping in till 8 or 8:30! BUT, it is not me that is doing it, it is God and for that reason, He alone can be praised for those pounds. But I have at least 64 more to go...and it seems like a sheer cliff to climb at times!!!

Here's my latest battle: virtually not one ounce lost in the last 3 weeks, despite faithful workouts and eating right...seriously, no denial here, eating RIGHT!! That has been discouraging to me at times. But, here's what the Lord is teaching me right now....that I am not doing this for weight loss, I'm doing this to "become who I was intended to be in Christ and fulfill my destined purpose" and I am to do what He has laid before me whether I see benefits to me or not, whether I like it or not, whether it makes sense or not.

And something has/is changing in my hard heart....I am doing this for Him alone, by faith alone. And so without one bit of encouragement from the scale...I do this day after day, encouraged by His Spirit, by His word and for sheer love of Him. The Spirit is saying, "Well done", even though the scale is silent. And on I go, living out my goal...absolute, irrevocable surrender.